I know, I disappeared, again

I'm sorry. I've started my new job, which I think is going pretty well but is certainly a big adjustment, James and I are moving in two weeks to a bigger apartment, and the wedding is roughly a month away. To say things are a little busy would be a serious understatement!

Plugging along

I've been working away as a sub on the Calgary site, which has been oddly filled with animal stories -- wild hogs, stingrays and gorillas in particular -- and don't have much to report. James and I have been busy wedding planning (with only 80 days left!) and I'm gearing up for my job change, and getting pretty excited and nervous about both things.

I've also had a bit of a spring cold, probably prompted by the fluctuations in temperature lately, which hasn't made me particularly interesting or entertaining, but also not incapacitated.

I'm looking forward to some rest and relaxation over the long weekend, and have my eyes on a pair of black and white giraffe print shoes (they're fuzzy!) which may be coming home with me as part of the relaxation!

Big news!

So, I'm leaving the CBC. Which is terrifying, invigorating and exciting. Part of me wants to slam on the brakes to avoid the change, while the other half is putting the pedal to the floor to get my new challenges started.

Now, as those of you who know me would expect, I'm not just packing up and leaving without a job. I'm going to The Star for a summer contract as a web editor, starting mid-June, and I think it's going to be amazing. It's an incredible opportunity to work for a very prominent daily paper, and to get to flex my skills in a new setting.

I'm starting to get used to the idea of change. I love it at the CBC, but I'm getting tired of being the second string. I'm the supporting player, it's like I'm in the minors, and while I'm called up frequently to play with the bigs boys, I still know that I'm the second (or third) choice for the position. I may be playing left wing, but it's only because the regular guy is out with an injury. And, there will be games, big ones, that I'll regrettably miss out on.

This feeling, paired with the irregular shifts and constantly changing tasks, makes me think a summer at The Star will help me grow as a journalist and maybe help boost my confidence a bit. Plus, any routine will be a huge boost to my overall well being.

I will miss the Mother Corp though. I've been in Toronto for almost a year, it will be a year by the time I leave, and almost everyone I know in the city is there. I still don't have a whole lot of friends here -- it's hard when you schedule changes by the hour -- so I'll really miss all of my great coworkers.

But, here's hoping that all goes well! And, I have no idea what will happen in September when my contract ends, but it's time for me to change things up. I think it's time to get into a routine and take a -- small -- professional risk that fits around the wedding!

I felt so guilty

That I updated the links right away! Enjoy. Also, note that I'm starting to get my name on some things, either at top or bottom, which is always a bit of an ego boost. And, my Canadiens swept game seven, so I can breathe easy for a few more days!

I apologize for my absence...

But I promise, it will soon all be worth it. I've been working towards something, and should have news within the week. Between these efforts, addressing wedding invites, and have nightly hockey games to set me on edge, I have been more than a little swamped.

I did, however, buy wedding shoes. They're shiny and I love them. I can't believe I have to wait another 3 1/2 months to wear them!

And, as I sign off, anxiously watching the end of the Habs game -- which could either make me very happy or make me cry -- I promise to post some new links and some news soon.

Still waiting...

For something to change. And for winter to end. But, in the meantime, here are some new links:

Squid beaks (Separately, I scientifically conclude that they're icky)

Bendable chips (Note the almost byline on the bottom, in tiny type!)

Deadly diseases (I've been self-diagnosing ever since)

Hyperactivity study

Smoking actually does stunt your growth!

While I have been working full time lately (huzzah!), I spend a lot of time dashing off stories pretty quickly, weaving together interviews, stuff from radio and tv, wire copy and press releases. And, while it certainly isn't easy, it doesn't always produce stuff you're necessarily proud of or attached to. So, it's nice to see a week where I had a few pieces I could pour a little more time into, doing more research and in all but the squid story -- because the press release quotes were priceless -- conducting my own interviews.

A busy, and tough week, but, as I head into Friday, I'm feeling tired but fairly satisfied with my output -- an unfortunately rare occurence of late.

Waiting makes me anxious...

So, last week, I had a first round interview with a fairly prominent national weekly magazine for a year-long, paid internship. Very exciting indeed.

Now, I'm waiting to see if I make it through to the next round, which will involve another interview. This should happen roughly within the next two weeks.

Then, by April 1st, the decisions will be made, and my plans for the next few months -- or really year -- will either alter dramatically, meaning I'll have some, or remain in limbo.

This, combined with an increasingly crazy work schedule in different department, performing different tasks at different hours every day, is driving me a little wonky.

Or, more accurately, staring at the ceiling as I wake up with a start every night (always with the questions: did I read the schedule right? Should I be up now? At work? What floor am I working on today?) wishing not only that time would pass but that I could secure some break that could grant me a routine and some degree of normalcy. A permanent, full-time position would make me unbelievably happy, as would a prestigious internship for any length of time, but as my anxiety levels reach such heights that normal functioning is becoming difficult, I'd jump at the chance for a normal, predictable schedule for even just a month.

I'm still here

I promise! It's been awhile since my last post, I apologize. Things have been hectic. There has been overtime work, a new project on Toronto's multiculturalism for which I'm responsible for content and promos, and a bunch of wedding-related progress, including getting a florist, choosing someone to bake the cake and proofreading several incarnations of our wedding invites. And working on an as-yet thoroughly incomplete wedding website. Oh, and picking a registry place (home outfitters) while trying to pick gifts -- which is way more difficult than one would expect -- and choosing wedding bands. Plus, job hunting, cleaning and the rest of life!

So, it's been busy. I have been sleeping better, and trying to worry less, but sadly the first of those resolutions means I have less time for blogging. I will try to be better when things -- hopefully -- calm down next week, as this project wraps us and I resume my regular tasks: filling in for people who are sick or on vacation.

Wish me luck! And I will update more in depth soon :)

On Kosovo

I worked yesterday morning at 5 a.m. on the Newsworld ticker, meaning I write the short, snappy and hopefully grammatically correct headlines that scroll across the bottom of the screen on CBC's 24-hour news channel. The cool thing about the job is that you're normally the first among all CBC platforms to report anything breaking -- TV, radio and online all need to write scripts or stories, change lineups and either broadcast or publish the results, while on the crawl, I write out my roughly 200 characters including spaces (which, by the way, is very short) and pow, it's on TV.

This was particularly exciting yesterday as breakaway Serbian province Kosovo prepared to declare its independence and become the world's newest country. And, because of the speed and ease of getting it up I was able to update with each minute step towards independence: first the fact that it was anticipated, then with the prime minister saying they would, then with parliament meeting, then with the reading of the independence document, then with parliament voting, signing and celebrating their new Republic of Kosovo.

And, of course, it didn't stop there. From that point on, it was a flurry of activity with revellers hitting the streets in Pristina, protesters throwing rocks at embassies and a speedy international response, including Serbia saying they would never recognize the 'illegal' declaration and Russia calling for a UN security council meeting to revoke the declaration. Later, Afghanistan became the first to recognize the new country -- an essential part of actually becoming independent for the Kosovars -- and several others are expected to follow suite today, including bigwigs like the U.S., Britain and France.

The whole thing was rather thrilling, and I watched every new report from Pristina, update on the BBC and newsflash on the wires breathlessly. To me it was an obvious embodiment of one of my favourite sayings about journalism -- that it's writing history on the run.

Now of course, my newsflashes along the bottom of the ticker won't go down in history like the news reports and various stories both online and in newspapers. Students writing papers on Kosovo from this week onward will be looking for those items, but my record may fade into oblivion. I do however, take heart that I got to watch every minute of it, livestreamed online and replayed on various news channels almost instantly and in my own little way feel like some small part of it.

Feb-brr-ary

Toronto is cold. Not just like "Ok, I'll bundle up and grab a hat cold" but the "If I stand outside for more than 10 minutes, I risk frostbite" cold.

Which has put a damper on my mood. I don't like being cold. And in Toronto, the cold seems to cut right through you. And stay.

Additionally, I'm only succeeding at one of my three resolutions -- sleeping more -- and am once again fending off some sort of illness.

But, with the fire place roaring and my blanket wrapped tightly around me, things are starting to look up. I'm thawing out, mourning the demise of the Halifax Daily News and the pall it casts on the future of newspapers in general, and watching Gilmore Girls.

I've been plugging away at the wedding list of to-dos, going to work and job hunting, and things are going well. I'll be anxiously watching the confidence motion being introduced tomorrow on Afghanistan, the ensuing debates and the unveiling of the budget on Feb. 26. Not that a winter election is a must, or even necessarily the best thing for the country, but my pocketbook and political interest will be well satisfied by the government's fall.

So, here's hoping that Stephane Dion takes the Conservatives to task and that I find the perfect shoes and accessories for my summer wedding (my next key to-do).

Now, to blog on the terrible Zednik hit and the arrests in Tampa of two of my Habs.

I will hopefully have some noteworthy things to report on my next update, until then, keep your fingers crossed on my behalf for a federal election -- it's almost as good as the playoffs!

U.S. space junk and other goodies

So, as promised, this will be a mishmash of 'junk' because life has been a little weird lately. I've been working a lot of awkward hours, including 5 a.m. starts and 9 p.m. ends, which has left me perpetually exhausted, confused and convinced I'm either late or supposed to be somewhere else. It's enough to make anyone a little crazy, and with a few other things keeping me busy, life lately has been a bit of a whirl -- but luckily it's not all bad. So, to keep you entertained and informed, here are some point form updates:

- I finally caved and bought glasses. And they're pink! Well, not entirely pink, they're brown with pink accents, but still -- PINK! The situation was getting too bad, I've been getting headaches from straining to see with my contacts (I purchased a batch a year and a half ago and I was trying to use them all up, unfortunately, my prescription has changed) and from wearing them way too long because all the tape in the world couldn't keep my old ones straight on my face. And, I think I've finally come to accept that a CBC job isn't forthcoming. I'd love it to be, but my life must go on. And any new job I take will have a three month probation period before proper health insurance, and I'm not waiting until April to see properly. So, I walked into the mall, the optometrist happened to have an opening, my lenses were in stock and I walked out with glasses an hour and a half later. I even got a deal, and James' insurance will help me out a bit with them.

- James bought rock band. I've been cultivating my rock star persona in my time off, to the point that guitarist Jen is way better dressed and much cooler than real Jen.

- We went to look at wedding invitations this weekend. There are a lot of options. And most of them are either a) flowery b) expensive c) unnecessarily complicated or d) all of the above. But, after a few fun hours, we narrowed it down to two very simple options that sort of call to our journalism nerd backgrounds and desire for cheap simplicity. I have until Saturday to decide.

- I've decided possums are cute. Case in point

- I worked the health section today, which is always fun. A highlight is pollution and heart health

- And, as for the promised space junk story, I encountered it while doing the Newsworld news ticker at 5 a.m. yesterday morning and decided it was arguably the coolest thing I read all morning. Though, admittedly, by that point I had not read very much. Either way, a U.S. spy satellite has lost power and will crash to Earth sometime in late February/early March. Government officials have no control over it, no idea where it will land and say it might contain hazardous materials. Crazy. What do you think the odds are that it will hit Canada?

Anyway, with my current crazy person schedule, it feels like bedtime. Let's hope my sleep cycles and meal times sort themselves back into normalcy soon.

I had a job interview!

Today, I had an interview for a real, full-time job that would give me health benefits, vacation and sick days. So please, dear readers, keep your fingers crossed for me.

I have now successfully broken both arms off my glasses, and a plan with proper optical coverage would be pretty darn awesome.

On the flip side, I have of course been thinking and worrying about what would happen if I got the job. It would mean giving up on the chance to work for the CBC during an election. And, I applied for a fabulous internship, where I would get paid (minimally) for a year at Macleans as an entry-level writer. Of course, it's very competitive, and it would be hard to give up on a real job for the possibility of an internship that I won't hear back about until April 1. But, if secured, it would be amazing.

Anyway, all these concerns are putting the cart before the horse, so to speak, as I only spoke with the interviewers a few hours ago. They were all very nice, and I think the interview went well. But, I should probably stop wrecking my worry less resolution and just cool my heels, and my concerns, until such problems actually approach reality.

Three weeks into the New Year...

And I've made progress on one of my three resolutions. I am aiming for eight hours of sleep a night, and am often getting them! My least slept night (barring the frequent panicked wake-ups the night of my 5 a.m. shift) was a mere seven hours, a vast improvement from my regular six-ish of before Christmas. And, I'm going to bed in plenty of time to get my eight hours, so I'm actually moderately rested most days!

I feel this is a vast improvement over my resolutions of last year, which are long forgotten (but may have simply been surviving the last two terms of school and getting a job, which I did).

I've also ramped up my hunt for a real, reliable job with vacation and the like. I've "cold emailed" several publications, along with several people I know in the industry, while still prowling the job boards daily -- all while keeping my fingers crossed of course.

I've also been tempted by two internship possibilities. One is far-fetched and already ruled out, it's in Kitchener and it requires a car, which basically puts it out of the running, but I love the idea of it -- reporting for a daily for a few months would look great on my resume. The other obstacle is that it runs through August, which, as many of you may know, happens to require a bit of time off for an important milestone -- my wedding -- and interns don't get the choice vacation days (if any). If it was in Toronto, and didn't require a car, I'd maybe look into extending it into September to fulfill the time while still getting the time off, but the other factors all contribute to strike it out. Plus, I'm still having trouble getting around in Ontario. They'd send me for coffee and I'd end up in Hamilton calling James and asking him to map out a way back for me on his blackberry. Not good.

The second is slightly more realistic, but I'm still uncertain enough that I haven't applied. Toronto Life, a very well respected magazine for you non-Torontonians, has a four-month internship program, which appears to be fairly flexible with start and end dates (i.e. I could start in March, or June or whenever -- if I got accepted). It would be planning, researching, writing, and an introduction into the world of magazine publishing -- something I am not particularly familiar with, but do find quite interesting. The downside to said internship, were I able to get it, is that the whole thing pays a stipend of $2,000. Yes, that's $500 a month, which would cover rent but not much else -- certainly not bills or student loans.

Odds are I'd be able to make more working at the CBC, if I'm willing to risk it and continue with this crazy, unpredictable schedule and the lurch in my stomach each morning when I wake up in the morning expecting a phone call to tear me out of my slumber into the cold, cruel world to cover for a writer sick in Manitoba or PEI or who knows where. Even when I'm not working for them, I'm perpetually preparing myself to be available "just in case", and that's a rather rough way to get by. But, currently at least, it pays the bills and is in the field I want -- online news and features.

The other issue in all these decisions is the election factor. If I depart from political news and an election is called (which I certainly believe to be a possibility, maybe a 50 per cent chance) I'll feel like I'm missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime.

So, I'm currently still hunting down that elusive job with vacation -- that's a decision that would be quite simple! -- but am definitely looking at other options.

And, of course, this week James has been away in San Francisco, so I've been left alone with my thoughts and a very cranky bunny. These factors (more the aloneless than the rabbit though) lead me to my third resolution -- worrying less. That's posing a bit more of a challenge. I'm a worrier. But, isn't admitting it the first step to recovery?

When I do find myself worrying I try to distract myself too (the oven in our apartment is the cleanest it's ever been. Admittedly, it needed a good scrub, but now it really sparkles!) and I figure with only three weeks into the new year, an occasional relapse is inevitable anyway. But hey, at least I'm trying!

Lesson of the day

It was a very busy week on the news desk, with conflicts around the world, breaking political developments, accidents and the rising popularity of a newborn polar bear at Germany's Nuremberg Zoo who has been named Flocke -- the German word for snowflake (see the bear's website here in German.)

The job hunt continues, and I'm starting to feel a little more confidant and a little less disillusioned.

And, I re-learned an important lesson: Do not wear dangly earrings when conducting phone interviews. Your ear will get increasingly hot, then sore and achy, and remain so for at least another hour.

Now, I think I may dig into my chocolate shoe :)

Back in the t-dot

My vacation flew by. My time at home seemed hardly long enough (despite amply time to stuff my face with mussels, pudding and other home delicacies) and I could barely believe it when I was once again en route to the airport. Moral of the story? Five days is not enough.

And, before I knew it, we were seven days into the new year, I was well back into work (though having trouble getting back in the swing of things) and I had made no progress on my new year's resolutions, which by the way, are as follows:

- Find a job
- Sleep more
- Worry less

Simple sounding enough, yes, but still highly difficult to achieve. They are also all linked. It's easier to worry less when you have a job. If you worry less, you sleep more. A lack of sleep will not help me find a job.

Good logic, difficult execution.

Anyway, just wanted to check in to assure everyone that I am in fact alive and well in 2008. As part of my "sleep more" effort, I'm trying to eat supper before seven whenever possible. I'll keep you posted on my progress through the new year's resolutions (fingers crossed that I make some!) and best of luck with yours!

Three sleeps away and I'm starting to smell that salt water...

I'm heading home on Friday and it's getting so close that I can practically taste the salt water (and the Christmas cookies, garlic fingers, Lunenburg pudding, etc...).

Central Canada is nice, with its cold that cuts through you rather than seeps into your bones, the regular sunshine, the smooth, straight roads, but it's been too long since I've been home. And, the fact that it's Christmas makes it all the better!

It's going to be a very short visit -- only till boxing day -- followed by a quick stop in Belleville with James' family and then I'll return to reality. But, for the next two weeks-ish, starting today, life will be a flurry of holiday preparations, packing and travelling, and I can't wait!

The news has been getting me down lately -- with seven-year-olds crushed in snow tunnels, old men killed while delivering Christmas cards, bombings, thefts, and so on -- and I think this holiday is exactly what I need to regain some optimism. That, or start my own "good news" site, about cars driving safely, children going on rollercoasters without having their feet chopped off, trick-or-treaters getting great, safe candy, tourists visiting Mexican resorts and having a great time, and of course, how cute kittens, bunnies, puppies and such are (though, someone already beat me to that one). I know there's good news out there, it's just hard to find.

So, to start off these holidays right, I'm going to share some good, festive news before signing off. NORAD's Santa Tracker is up, and ready for action. European scientists estimate that it takes Santa 34 miliseconds to go to a house, drop off presents and take off again. And, the UN says the "elves" who help Santa respond to his over 6 million letters are working hard to make sure all the good girls and toys can pass on their wishes for toys.

So, with happy thoughts, I'm off to pack.

A week until home!

Life has been exhausting this week, with full time work at the CBC and an article for PCWorld.ca, combined with a sore throat and attempts to prepare for Christmas and get ready for my much anticipated first trip back to Nova Scotia since I left last June.

As a result, this will be a short one. Not much has changed since the last post, I'm still chugging away on the job hunt and am trying not to get too dejected. I do think I may give myself a brief break over Christmas, to alleviate the feeling of rejection from every unanswered application (there have been over a hundred by now, I believe)and then hopefully when I come back in January I will be confident, revitalized, and employable. Fingers crossed.

We're bracing for a big snowstorm in Toronto -- which could break records set for December snowfall in 1944 (how's that for a journalism nerd factoid? I should really start doing trivia...) -- so, for those of you who have electricity this weekend, but are trapped inside, I'd love to recommend some light reading generated by yours truly this week:

- North Korea: axis of evil or tourist trap? (CBC)
- Kosovo Q & A (CBC)
- Canadian Internet pioneers (PCWorld)

OK, maybe it's not terribly light. But, compared to the Conrad Black and Pickton trial updates from earlier this week, these topics are seriously lighthearted.

Anyway, I must be off for present wrapping before I bring home a new batch of Christmas shopping tomorrow, providing I don't get stormstayed. I'll be dreaming of homemade cookies and a Nova Scotian Christmas for the next seven sleeps, until the dream becomes a reality!

Happy December

The pre-Christmas flurry of activity has kept me quite busy. I'm about three-quarters of the way through my Christmas shopping, which I hope to finish this week. I'm also getting very excited to get home to Nova Scotia, even if it's only for a few days, to see my family and just be home. Also, because the time is drawing close so quickly, I'm starting to think about other, less sentimental, reasons for visiting, including:

- Mussels that haven't flown halfway across the country
- Peanut butter pie at The Knot
- Lunenburg pudding (which, for those of you who don't know, is kind of a grey, spicy meat -- which James refuses to try)
- Garlic fingers, which I have not been able to find/get here. Also, if you ask, you draw a lot of blank stares
- Saying "Fill your boots" without being mocked
- Travelling by SUV with heated seats, rather than by the crowded, dirty subway

I'm sure as the time draws closer I'll think of more silly reasons too.

Otherwise, not much has been happening. We cook, we clean, we work, we shop and we play video games. Certainly not a bad existence in any way, just not terribly blog-worthy.

A month until Christmas

Actually, slightly less than a month, but I'm late putting up this entry. Job searching is exhausting. I think the only thing that keeps me going with it is that I know when I finally succeed, I won't have to do it again for awhile. Like, at least a year depending on the job.

Things are still kind of strange, as I think I always expected to be more settled after being here for six months (which I hit next week, so I guess there's still time). But, I have updated my links of things I write that I like on the side, so check it out. Basically, I spend a lot of time writing news stories using press releases, quotes that TV and radio reporters get and things that move on the wire, so whenever I step out of that zone at work and feel like I've really created something new and interesting -- and talked to real people to do so -- I post it there. It's pretty strict criteria, so the list isn't very long!

Anyway, the job hunt continues. I've started applying for a rather random assortment of careers, as I hit panic mode every so often about my lack of permanency and financial security, so at this point I kind of wonder what happens if I get calls back.

For example, fact checker for a magazine? Maybe if I have the chance to write and some nifty freebies (I've never really wanted to write for magazines, unless it's like Macleans, and even in that case, I'd be more interested in their website!).

Or reporter on all issues Canadian Idol? Barring some slight reservations about the effect this could have my lofty political reporter goals, it actually sounds pretty cool.

Any reporter position? I'm there (well, if it's in Toronto) in a heartbeat. Even if it's not perfect, it's a foot in the door, some experience and steady pay. I'm learning that every month logged is valuable and essential experience when you're competing in this biz.

I haven't resorted to marketing/advertising/pr applications yet, because I know if I go that way, there's no turning back to journalism. I don't know for sure how much longer I have to wait -- especially since this whole on-call, casual thing eats into all aspects of life and makes exploring freelancing opportunities more difficult -- but the time is not now.

To loosely paraphrase Dirty Sexy Money, a show I have just started watching, tomorrow's a new day, with new chances, and we'll see what it brings.

Hopefully it brings chocolate.

Snow!

We got our first real snowfall today. The roads are slick, it's cold, and the plow drivers don't officially start work until Dec. 1, but I have no where to go so I get to enjoy peering out at the white covered city from the safe warmth in front of my fireplace. The city looks much nicer when it snows, it kind of helps to cover all the grime for a little while. If the snow stops, by this evening the snow will be all dirty again and the not-so-crowded illusion will be shattered. But for now, I'm going to drink my eggnog and enjoy.

I'm coming off two days off in a row. My laundry is done, my dishes are mostly done, and I still have boxes from the East Coast to unpack--because I don't know where to put the stuff. I've also been doing some publishing for PCWorld to help pay the bills, so it's better than just sitting around with nothing at all to keep me occupied.

I had a job interview yesterday for a position in Ottawa. It was a wire service job, with one of the big private media conglomerates, and it sounded just like the kind of thing I have experience in, and would enjoy. My name would have been published in newspapers across the country. Unfortunately, it's in Ottawa. In my current funk over my apparent unemployability, I thought about moving yet again. But, I dont think I can handle it. James is in Toronto. I'm just starting to get a life in Toronto, though paying for it may become an issue in the coming months. My cell phone number has changed three times in the last year. My address has changed three times. I've lived in Halifax, Guysborough and Toronto twice since last November, inhabiting seven different apartments. Once the possibility of moving became at all real, I realized that I just can't do it again, not yet. Maybe in a year or two James will be more mobile and we'll decide to hit up another city, likely Ottawa, but now's not the time.

So the job hunt continues.